James 1:2-6a My friends, be glad, even if you have a lot of trouble. You know that you learn to endure by having your faith tested. But you must learn to endure everything, so that you will be completely mature and not lacking in anything.
If any of you need wisdom, you should ask God, and it will be given to you. God is generous and won't correct you for asking. But when you ask for something, you must have faith and not doubt.
I love reading James 1:2 in different versions. Emily's version: When life sucks and you're faith is being tested, be glad because this will give you perseverance and result in complete maturity.
I'm needing a little bulking up on scripture today. It's been a good day.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Saturday, May 14, 2011
new season
This weekend is the beginning of a new season. Separate housing for a married couple should not be "the best option at this time". Our separate lives ...words are hard.
<< Ecclesiastes 3 >>
A Time for Everything
1To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
2A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
3A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
9What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth? 10I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.
11He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.
12I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice, and to do good in his life. 13And also that every man should eat and drink, and enjoy the good of all his labour, it is the gift of God. 14I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him. 15That which hath been is now; and that which is to be hath already been; and God requireth that which is past.
<< Ecclesiastes 3 >>
A Time for Everything
1To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
2A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
3A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
7A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
9What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth? 10I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.
11He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.
12I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice, and to do good in his life. 13And also that every man should eat and drink, and enjoy the good of all his labour, it is the gift of God. 14I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him. 15That which hath been is now; and that which is to be hath already been; and God requireth that which is past.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Human Milk
I'm giving Joey my milk. I'm breastfeeding a toddler. I'm an extended breastfeeder. I'm letting him self-wean...whatever you want to call it. I'm in love with our little relationship. How he stops and looks up at me, how the magic milk instantly stops crying and fixes boo-boos, and how I'm able to give him the exact nutrition his little body needs.
I'm also in love with breastfeeding because I got back in my jeans by week 3, I have gotten to eat, and didn't have to deal with having a period for an extra 13months. Breastfeeding makes amenorrhea normal; no period for 23 months!!! When I say eat, I mean EAT; I wanted to have a whole cheesecake after eating a whole cow. There were several weeks in a row (around the winter holidays too) where I would eat an entire stick of cream cheese everyday and still be hungry.
I wish more mommas worked through their "issues" with breastfeeding and did this. I also wish society around us was more accepting. Why people feel the need to cover up and hide in a room in order to feed their child...maybe they're the same people that like to eat a whole box of chocolate by themselves too. I wish I could take more artsy photos of our feeding sessions and capture the looks of lovin' I get. I wish to always cherish the middle of the night loving/eating sessions. and attempt to count the times where Joey has attempted to nurse my belly button. or the night where he just nursed right through my shirt. or early on when my boobs were so messy and anytime he was nursing the other boob would get jealous and leak all over the place. or the time I came home from work and was so happy to see the dog that my milk let down just looking at the dog!!!
Pumping at work was a different thing. I daily had to find a place to hide and feel safe pumping. I daily had people tell me how weird it was that I was providing free nutrients to my baby by pumping. I had a manager that was not supportive and didn't understand (yet another reason I quit my job). Pumping took commitment. But I had amazing support from hubby. Once we got the pumping pattern down; there was no reason to stop. No reason to wean my chubby baby.
It was not easy at first. Open sores, doing positive self-talk to motivate me to give my baby one more feeding. Feeding him on one side, so the other side could have a break and hopefully heal. Wading through the crazy emotions postpartum hormones were causing. So many tears at first.
So worth it. I still don't feel like I know everything about breastfeeding and I still long to learn more and more. I find myself on Kellymom.com ALL the TIME!
Got Milk?
I'm also in love with breastfeeding because I got back in my jeans by week 3, I have gotten to eat, and didn't have to deal with having a period for an extra 13months. Breastfeeding makes amenorrhea normal; no period for 23 months!!! When I say eat, I mean EAT; I wanted to have a whole cheesecake after eating a whole cow. There were several weeks in a row (around the winter holidays too) where I would eat an entire stick of cream cheese everyday and still be hungry.
I wish more mommas worked through their "issues" with breastfeeding and did this. I also wish society around us was more accepting. Why people feel the need to cover up and hide in a room in order to feed their child...maybe they're the same people that like to eat a whole box of chocolate by themselves too. I wish I could take more artsy photos of our feeding sessions and capture the looks of lovin' I get. I wish to always cherish the middle of the night loving/eating sessions. and attempt to count the times where Joey has attempted to nurse my belly button. or the night where he just nursed right through my shirt. or early on when my boobs were so messy and anytime he was nursing the other boob would get jealous and leak all over the place. or the time I came home from work and was so happy to see the dog that my milk let down just looking at the dog!!!
Pumping at work was a different thing. I daily had to find a place to hide and feel safe pumping. I daily had people tell me how weird it was that I was providing free nutrients to my baby by pumping. I had a manager that was not supportive and didn't understand (yet another reason I quit my job). Pumping took commitment. But I had amazing support from hubby. Once we got the pumping pattern down; there was no reason to stop. No reason to wean my chubby baby.
It was not easy at first. Open sores, doing positive self-talk to motivate me to give my baby one more feeding. Feeding him on one side, so the other side could have a break and hopefully heal. Wading through the crazy emotions postpartum hormones were causing. So many tears at first.
So worth it. I still don't feel like I know everything about breastfeeding and I still long to learn more and more. I find myself on Kellymom.com ALL the TIME!
Got Milk?
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
just the begining
this is just the begining of of toddlerhood. a huge milestone. a season all it's own. in only having the hope to repeat itself someday. But for now we have entered toddlerhood with Joey where finding all of momma's No-No buttons are in the house is a treasure hunt all in itself. where eating is supposed to include food in your hair. where laughing is expected anytime anyone says 'belly button'. where you look outside for 15minutes to find the perfect rock and then find the perfect matching stick for your other hand...and just to top that off you try to eat both of them.
Toddlerhood makes my heart whole. Finding fascination in balloons clear across the room. Sticking his little tongue out just to get me to laugh. Helping just to see if I appreciate what he's doing. He's a little DJ, pressing buttons on the radio. Turning the alarm clock into a 'dog on a leash' and taking the new 'dog' on a walk all around the house.
He loves his dog-dog. He curls up with her and lays his head against her warm body and Maggie gently snuggles back. We go on walks together. Those walks are my everything. So amazing to learn about the world around you through the eyes of a toddler. by the way, sippy cups are meant to go into register vents...that's what i'm learning.
I'm trying to teach him to sign a few words and he just looks at me like 'i already told you what i want, so why do i have to repeat myself'.
O Toddlerhood...this is going to be a grand adventure.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
my inner hippie
the older I get, the more i realize I'm a hippie. and I'm okay with that.
Let me list the ways I am a hippie...
1 Home Birth
2 Anti-Doctors
3 I have a placenta in my freezer
4 cloth diapering
5 amber necklace
6 breastfeeding
7 making my own baby food
8 enjoy gardening and pulling weeds
9 love my vegetable garden
10 compost pile
11 baby wearing
12 love my family bed and sleeping with baby
13 anti-dialysis for long term and NICU's are unethical
14 get excited when I get good gas mileage
15 don't like eating out because I can make it better myself
16 love eating healthy
17 kefir - make my own probiotics
18 Yoga and Pilates
19 hot tea connoisseur
but I'm not a hippie because
1 i don't care for rock music
2 I have never smoked anything and never will
3 still feel uncomfortable with open homosexuality displayed in public
4 I'm a republican
5 hate tie-dyed clothing
6 love being married
7 I eat meat and it's delicious.
So basically I refuse to conform to someone's cookie cutter. I make my own shapes and opinions. Therefore I expect everyone else to make their own decisions too. I long for people to be informed before making choices.
Let me list the ways I am a hippie...
1 Home Birth
2 Anti-Doctors
3 I have a placenta in my freezer
4 cloth diapering
5 amber necklace
6 breastfeeding
7 making my own baby food
8 enjoy gardening and pulling weeds
9 love my vegetable garden
10 compost pile
11 baby wearing
12 love my family bed and sleeping with baby
13 anti-dialysis for long term and NICU's are unethical
14 get excited when I get good gas mileage
15 don't like eating out because I can make it better myself
16 love eating healthy
17 kefir - make my own probiotics
18 Yoga and Pilates
19 hot tea connoisseur
but I'm not a hippie because
1 i don't care for rock music
2 I have never smoked anything and never will
3 still feel uncomfortable with open homosexuality displayed in public
4 I'm a republican
5 hate tie-dyed clothing
6 love being married
7 I eat meat and it's delicious.
So basically I refuse to conform to someone's cookie cutter. I make my own shapes and opinions. Therefore I expect everyone else to make their own decisions too. I long for people to be informed before making choices.
Monday, May 9, 2011
a full year
a full year has past...
I want to blog, but I don't want to worry about hurting people's feelings or my grammar. so suck it. this is my voice and my honest words that need to pour out. so if you don't like what i have to say, don't read this.
I have a beautiful, energetic toddler. he loves me no matter if i do my hair or have food on my shirt. in fact, he adds his own collection of food and boogers to my shirts and pants and hair daily. i pick out my clothing around what boogers will look good with.
religion is gone. we are left with faith and repeated messages from the Holy Spirit. Examples: old alzheimer's lady looks me straight in the eye and says "let your mother-in-law help you; she knows more than you give her credit"...thanks for the dagger in the heart, LORD.
or the day after I quit my job in order to keep our household sane during this next year...husband/nurse of an optometrist that has walked in my shoes tells me "I was wondering what took you so long, your husband is really going to need you this next year"... fullfilling words to my broken/confused heart.
or my beautiful walks with Maggie and Joey...and a deer coming within a few yards of us. just to remind us of how big God is...
Religion, you suck. Faith, you keep me whole. I do admire the friends religion has given me, but putting Joey in a strangers' arms to listen to horrible church music, and to hear a message that will repeatedly be stuck at a 4th grade level...no religion, my God, my Faith is much bigger than that.
Each year keeps getting better and it will keep getting better. my Cup over flow-th. Each day spent with Joey is better and better. My love for Alan grows, and when I think I can't love him more; I do. A full year indeed.
So what's next? I don't have a job, Alan doesn't have a job, our house is on the market to make a transition back to our real home, we have Joey and Maggie and Sam and Bella...family. Our small family. We have faith that God's timing will be perfect. We have options.
a goal i have is to use Joey's nap time to blog and keep me sane. I will have more time, but with this new time will also bring more faith. I need people, but I don't seek out people. I've never been a socialite, but I yearn for being around people. We all need to connect with someone.
future topics: Human milk, Birthing, Death, Making Food, sleeping with babies, cats/dogs, music, consignment deals....oh the full year I've had.
I want to blog, but I don't want to worry about hurting people's feelings or my grammar. so suck it. this is my voice and my honest words that need to pour out. so if you don't like what i have to say, don't read this.
I have a beautiful, energetic toddler. he loves me no matter if i do my hair or have food on my shirt. in fact, he adds his own collection of food and boogers to my shirts and pants and hair daily. i pick out my clothing around what boogers will look good with.
religion is gone. we are left with faith and repeated messages from the Holy Spirit. Examples: old alzheimer's lady looks me straight in the eye and says "let your mother-in-law help you; she knows more than you give her credit"...thanks for the dagger in the heart, LORD.
or the day after I quit my job in order to keep our household sane during this next year...husband/nurse of an optometrist that has walked in my shoes tells me "I was wondering what took you so long, your husband is really going to need you this next year"... fullfilling words to my broken/confused heart.
or my beautiful walks with Maggie and Joey...and a deer coming within a few yards of us. just to remind us of how big God is...
Religion, you suck. Faith, you keep me whole. I do admire the friends religion has given me, but putting Joey in a strangers' arms to listen to horrible church music, and to hear a message that will repeatedly be stuck at a 4th grade level...no religion, my God, my Faith is much bigger than that.
Each year keeps getting better and it will keep getting better. my Cup over flow-th. Each day spent with Joey is better and better. My love for Alan grows, and when I think I can't love him more; I do. A full year indeed.
So what's next? I don't have a job, Alan doesn't have a job, our house is on the market to make a transition back to our real home, we have Joey and Maggie and Sam and Bella...family. Our small family. We have faith that God's timing will be perfect. We have options.
a goal i have is to use Joey's nap time to blog and keep me sane. I will have more time, but with this new time will also bring more faith. I need people, but I don't seek out people. I've never been a socialite, but I yearn for being around people. We all need to connect with someone.
future topics: Human milk, Birthing, Death, Making Food, sleeping with babies, cats/dogs, music, consignment deals....oh the full year I've had.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Birthing Story
****Warning, contains gross stuff***
"You had a home birth! Are you crazy?"
"How'd you do it without the epidural?"
"You mean you didn't have a doctor?!?"
These are just a few of the responses I have gotten so far to sharing my birthing experience. Society as a whole is mystified by natural childbirth. I have always been excited to have the chance to utilize my God given power as a woman to bring His miracle of life into this world through a home birth. You don't have to understand it, just know my birth was the most wonderful, empowering, miraculous experience I have had thus far in my life.
Labor started somewhere in the middle of Saturday night/Sunday morning. Diarrhea and contractions lasting a minute long started around 2am. I don't know for sure because I tried my best to keep sleeping knowing that if this was REAL labor I would need my energy. At 6am I counted 6-7 contractions within the hour. Going to the bathroom every 30 minutes was starting to become real annoying.
The realization started kicking in, I'm in active labor! At 6:45am I text my dad "Happy Birthday, I'm in Labor" in between 3 contractions and pooping. I woke Alan up to let him know I was going to call my midwife due to the contractions. Contractions now 6 min apart. My midwife, Dana, was notified around 7:30am. She recommended that since I was starting to get too uncomfortable to sleep that I should eat breakfast and take a shower and call her back with an update. After attempting my routine breakfast of 2 eggs, 2 slices of bacon, glass of milk and English muffin, I slowly made it to the shower. I could feel my body shifting to right-brain function only...Labor Land. Labor Land is a dream-like, non-analytical, place where you just go off intuition, voices and decisions did not matter, and I could not answer questions easily.
After the shower it's 9:30 and contractions are now 4 minutes apart. My midwife is on her way over. I'm still moving around the house and hanging out in my robe. Unable to lie down comfortably, I settle in an upright indian-style position on the bed loosing track of time. I made Alan start a load of laundry since I had left washing the brand new baby clothes for a project later in the week.
Dana arrived around 10:15, looked at me and said, "You ARE working hard, I'm calling Jenny (doula)". At 10:30am she checked me...I was 100% effaced and dilated 8cm with my water sack intact. Alan started preparing the birthing tub (which we could not fill with hot water fast enough to utilize). Jenny helped me through the contractions providing me with heat packs and pressure to my sacrum where my hips were spreading the most. Dana checked fetal heart rate with a Doppler every 15-30 minutes; his heart rate consistently stayed in the 130's. His heart rate slowed once only to realize I was holding my breath from the intensity of a contraction; he rebounded quickly. My highest blood pressure identified was 118/82...and afebrile. No signs of distress.
The hormones were making my legs shake uncontrollably, but I didn't care. Water broke at 1220 and the hard labor started. I moved to the birthing chair and got too comfortable that labor started to slow, a nice break for me. Dana made me eat 2 tablespoons of honey for the upcoming energy boost despite my slight nausea.
We tried hands and knees position to try to move my cervix forward. Unsuccessful with position alone, Dana manually flipped the anterior lip of the cervix to keep my labor progressing. I now had the urge to push. With every contraction thereafter I gave 2-4 pushes. Dana was massaging my vagina with olive oil during each contraction. Jenny was holding my right hand. Alan was on my left side constantly telling me "you're doing a good job"...I had more motivation to keep pushing harder. Cognitive of every ache/pain/twitch/cramp I somehow kept finding more strength. I felt his head with my fingers as he crowned. I felt his head pop out. I felt such a deep surge of adrenaline as I did the last push to get his shoulders out...and then I felt him wiggle and kick my vaginal wall the rest of the way to my belly. Skin-to-skin was the BEST and made me instantly forget the pain and hard work I just accomplished.
He had 10 perfectly pink fingers, 10 perfectly pink toes to make a wiggly, slimy, warm baby boy. Jenny reminded Alan to capture the moment in a picture as we were drying him off. I remember shrieking in joy. This was an amazing and empowering feeling. Only I could have done this and I DID!!!
The cord took 5-6 minutes to stop pulsing. Alan was slightly timid to cut the cord, until Dana looked at him and said, "Don’t worry, I'm holding his penis."
Long fingers, tons of hair, and he was perfectly healthy.
While we were still cleaning him off on my chest, Sammy (my cat with attitude) came in and gently but intentionally bit my left forearm as to say, "I do not approve, and you had better stop of this racket"...and marched out. (Sam adores Joey now)
Once my baby was wrapped and safe in Alan's arms, I was placed on the birthing chair to deliver the placenta. I simply relaxed and out gushed the placenta which grossed Alan out. The endorphin high was the best drug. I was wonderful. I had some vaginal abrasions, but NO tearing, NO stretch marks, NO hospital transfer... Just a new, healthy family of three.
I can't imagine how different my experience would have been in a hospital... Would I do it again at home? Absolutely!!! It WAS wonderful!
"You had a home birth! Are you crazy?"
"How'd you do it without the epidural?"
"You mean you didn't have a doctor?!?"
These are just a few of the responses I have gotten so far to sharing my birthing experience. Society as a whole is mystified by natural childbirth. I have always been excited to have the chance to utilize my God given power as a woman to bring His miracle of life into this world through a home birth. You don't have to understand it, just know my birth was the most wonderful, empowering, miraculous experience I have had thus far in my life.
Labor started somewhere in the middle of Saturday night/Sunday morning. Diarrhea and contractions lasting a minute long started around 2am. I don't know for sure because I tried my best to keep sleeping knowing that if this was REAL labor I would need my energy. At 6am I counted 6-7 contractions within the hour. Going to the bathroom every 30 minutes was starting to become real annoying.
The realization started kicking in, I'm in active labor! At 6:45am I text my dad "Happy Birthday, I'm in Labor" in between 3 contractions and pooping. I woke Alan up to let him know I was going to call my midwife due to the contractions. Contractions now 6 min apart. My midwife, Dana, was notified around 7:30am. She recommended that since I was starting to get too uncomfortable to sleep that I should eat breakfast and take a shower and call her back with an update. After attempting my routine breakfast of 2 eggs, 2 slices of bacon, glass of milk and English muffin, I slowly made it to the shower. I could feel my body shifting to right-brain function only...Labor Land. Labor Land is a dream-like, non-analytical, place where you just go off intuition, voices and decisions did not matter, and I could not answer questions easily.
After the shower it's 9:30 and contractions are now 4 minutes apart. My midwife is on her way over. I'm still moving around the house and hanging out in my robe. Unable to lie down comfortably, I settle in an upright indian-style position on the bed loosing track of time. I made Alan start a load of laundry since I had left washing the brand new baby clothes for a project later in the week.
Dana arrived around 10:15, looked at me and said, "You ARE working hard, I'm calling Jenny (doula)". At 10:30am she checked me...I was 100% effaced and dilated 8cm with my water sack intact. Alan started preparing the birthing tub (which we could not fill with hot water fast enough to utilize). Jenny helped me through the contractions providing me with heat packs and pressure to my sacrum where my hips were spreading the most. Dana checked fetal heart rate with a Doppler every 15-30 minutes; his heart rate consistently stayed in the 130's. His heart rate slowed once only to realize I was holding my breath from the intensity of a contraction; he rebounded quickly. My highest blood pressure identified was 118/82...and afebrile. No signs of distress.
The hormones were making my legs shake uncontrollably, but I didn't care. Water broke at 1220 and the hard labor started. I moved to the birthing chair and got too comfortable that labor started to slow, a nice break for me. Dana made me eat 2 tablespoons of honey for the upcoming energy boost despite my slight nausea.
We tried hands and knees position to try to move my cervix forward. Unsuccessful with position alone, Dana manually flipped the anterior lip of the cervix to keep my labor progressing. I now had the urge to push. With every contraction thereafter I gave 2-4 pushes. Dana was massaging my vagina with olive oil during each contraction. Jenny was holding my right hand. Alan was on my left side constantly telling me "you're doing a good job"...I had more motivation to keep pushing harder. Cognitive of every ache/pain/twitch/cramp I somehow kept finding more strength. I felt his head with my fingers as he crowned. I felt his head pop out. I felt such a deep surge of adrenaline as I did the last push to get his shoulders out...and then I felt him wiggle and kick my vaginal wall the rest of the way to my belly. Skin-to-skin was the BEST and made me instantly forget the pain and hard work I just accomplished.
He had 10 perfectly pink fingers, 10 perfectly pink toes to make a wiggly, slimy, warm baby boy. Jenny reminded Alan to capture the moment in a picture as we were drying him off. I remember shrieking in joy. This was an amazing and empowering feeling. Only I could have done this and I DID!!!
The cord took 5-6 minutes to stop pulsing. Alan was slightly timid to cut the cord, until Dana looked at him and said, "Don’t worry, I'm holding his penis."
Long fingers, tons of hair, and he was perfectly healthy.
While we were still cleaning him off on my chest, Sammy (my cat with attitude) came in and gently but intentionally bit my left forearm as to say, "I do not approve, and you had better stop of this racket"...and marched out. (Sam adores Joey now)
Once my baby was wrapped and safe in Alan's arms, I was placed on the birthing chair to deliver the placenta. I simply relaxed and out gushed the placenta which grossed Alan out. The endorphin high was the best drug. I was wonderful. I had some vaginal abrasions, but NO tearing, NO stretch marks, NO hospital transfer... Just a new, healthy family of three.
I can't imagine how different my experience would have been in a hospital... Would I do it again at home? Absolutely!!! It WAS wonderful!
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