Tuesday, May 31, 2011

garden salad

with spring, comes the first garden produce. I have already started needing new ideas for spring lettuce as I do not want to complain about having to eat so much freshness.

My new repeatable salad idea:
spring lettuce with dried cranberries and soy nuts topped with balsamic vinegar dressing.

...so delish!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

partly cloudy with a chance of meatballs

spring tornado weather - I hate you. My gut aches; I feel ulcers coming on with the constant fear of the weather. The worst tornado in over 60 years hit Joplin, MO. 6-7mile wide path of destruction. I saw a photo of a wooden chair imbedded in the side of a cement wall. 8,000 buildings damaged. people remain missing. over 120 died. over 750 are injured.
God is in all and works through all, this I have no doubt. So, tonight I choose not to understand. Ultimately I don't need to understand it all. It will all be revealed to me in God's perfect timing, storms and all. Meatballs, anyone?

Friday, May 20, 2011


Matthew 6:34 -Don't worry about tomorrow. It will take care of itself. You have enough to worry about today.

So many unknowns in life. So many challenges ahead. Being in the present. Living life in the moment...

I can honestly say I'm getting much better at this. I could spend all my waking hours worrying about the rest of my summer, worrying about possible job opportunities, worrying about everything; but the reality is it doesn't help figure anything out. I love to analyze, it's part of what makes me tick. Coming to the realization that over analyzing situations and our future gets me no where has really helped my emotional well-being.

Enjoy today.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

meal idea

recipes just come to me. it annoys Alan that I don't measure when I cook. it's frustrating to friends that want to copy 'that one' recipe. my mother-in-law praises my meal ideas.

Here's my delicious meal I'm going to try to write down for you.
1pound Steak cubed and pan-seared in about 2T olive oil
seasoned with ginger powder, lime juice, dried cilantro, and salt (sorry, i don't measure; i just threw stuff in until it smelled right)
3-4 handfuls of penne wheat pasta
topped with Parmesan cheese

I try to make everything from scratch, but the reality is time and money are important factors too. in moderation I do love Velveta, an occasional bratwurst, boxed dinners, cookie mixes, and ice cream sandwiches.

Joey loved the pasta and shared his steak with Maggie.
Enjoy trying new food combinations.

food choices

everyone has to eat food to function. but for so many, food controls people. I let food control me in the form of bulimia for 5 years. I know how people can be controlled by food. However, ever since I had to watch my blood sugar meticulously during my pregnancy, I feel I have had good control over my food choices.

I do the grocery shopping and the bulk of food preparation for our family. I'm that annoying shopper that stops in the middle of the isle with two different cans of green beans comparing the labels. (here's a good blog on selecting food). I'm the lady buying 4 bags of frozen fruit at a time (there's no added sugar or syrup in frozen fruit). I'm the lady buying 2 dozen eggs every grocery store visit. I'm also the lady that cringes at the idea of drinking pop, but don't nag my hubby who loves an occasional Dr.Pepper (I'm so proud of him for cutting back his pop intake).
but I'm also the lady getting a little high off saving a few pennies, a few dollars, but I won't jeopardize my health for it. that's a fine line that each family has to decide where it is.

Obesity has taken over our society. Obese people kind of piss me off. Because most of the time it's not about food at all. It's depression, it's a lack of knowledge, it's a lack in any form of exercise, it's binge eating at night instead of small/frequent meals throughout the day. It's just another form of food controlling people instead of people having control over food. Food is medicine for your body. Giving your body good food/good medicine is a matter of practice and moderation.

Moderation really applies to so many things in life. exercise, there can be too much or too little. Sugar, your body needs natural sugars (fruits and carbs), but can easily have too much sugar (processed sugars, artificial sugars, corn syrup abundance). Money, there can be too much and too little (I'm a believer that like my great-grandma said make enough money to have options). Moderation also applies to food portion control. No one needs to eat 2 bowls of cereal in one sitting; no one should ever drink 2 cans of pop in one sitting I can go on and on...but you get the point. Moderation is very important.

I guess this bothers me so much because I can't help others directly regarding their food intake. Each person has to make their own choices. I also feel that most of our society doesn't know how to listen to their own bodies. Instead of listening to your body and getting sleep when sleepy, people rely on caffeine to medicate their bodies. Instead of eating until satisfied, we eat quickly until we are full. Instead of going outside to enjoy the sun, we sit on our butts and watch hours of mindless TV. Instead of walking or doing the stairs to get to our designations, we consistently choose the easier/lazier route. I can't make people change, you have to make your own changes for your own life. Each time you put food into your mouth, you are making a choice. Does food have control over you or do you have control over the food you eat?

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

how many ways can you say baby butt?

If you know anything about me you know I love poo...so I'm going to talk about baby poo and diapers.

I have entered the world of cloth diapering. The names given to some of these cloth diapers is absurd: BumGenius 4.0, bummis, Ragababe, FuzziBunz, Econobum, Thirsties, GDiapers, ...to name a few. And there are so many kinds of diapers: pocket diapers, pre-folds with covers, All in ones, One-size, liners...it gives me a headache.

To simplify we have fancy cloth diapers, nothing like what my momma had.

At first we started with a diaper service (a gift for the babe). This was wonderful when we were learning about this new vast world of baby poo. We didn't have to worry about what soap to buy (Charlie's Soap, Rockin' Green,...crazy names again) or washing poop with the clothes and linens we daily used...EWWW! The diaper service used pre-folds and covers, so all we had to worry about was learning the 'angel fold' and putting the plastic sack out once a week to be picked up.

Then I realized how easy it was to take care of cloth diapers and how terrible Alan was at learning how to fold the pre-folds...confusing, I know. So I wanted to try these BumGenius diapers that a few of my friends had. Everyone that was using a BumGenius pocket diaper was in LOVE. So I found a website that guaranteed me that I would love them and had a fancy sale. And I was hooked!

The BumGenius 3.0 and I were instant friends. The diapers are so easy to put on and so easily sizable. The adjustable snaps helped Joey go from infant to large bum (2T)pretty easily. Alan and I consistently found Joey's explosive poos were very rare in a cloth diaper compared to a disposable. We use disposables when traveling out of town and when Joey is at a babysitter. but I'm getting the courage to wash in grandparents machines...it's all about the wet bag and containing any smell.

How do you care for them? (you might be asking)
at first we didn't have a diaper sprayer when all he was eating was human milk, but then the solid poos came soon after he started eating at almost 7 months and the diaper sprayer was a must. I couldn't imagine hand rinsing the cloth diaper in the toilet, yuck; so spraying off the runny poo diapers is easy with the sprayer. Rinsing solid poo is even easier, you just plop the turd in the toilet and flush. Then separate the insert from the pocket diaper into a cloth bag and put the lid on the trash can.
we do a load of diapers every 2 - 2 1/2 days. I like using Charlie's Soap powder. There is no left over ammonia smell when I use 1/2 a scoop (about 1T)of this amazing powder. I even do some of our smelly laundry with a scoop of this stuff. No more worries of mixing poo in the same washer that our clothes go through.
The diapers go through 2 complete cycles in the washer, first on cold, second on hot. Then the diapers go in the dryer for 60 minutes. I'll dry them in the sun when I can. The diapers then get the inserts stuffed back into them. We have the double stuffed diapers and the single stuffed diapers ready for action.

~ tips on poo...use olive oil on baby's butt during the first poos/meconium and definitely use disposables at this stage; much easier.

~ I have a small wet bag for day to day outings and put any and all dirty clothes/diapers in it. it's really easy to change the Bum Genius when out of the house doing errands.

Cloth diapering - one of the dirtiest jobs you'll ever love...

Maggie the Hooker

I never thought I would ever call my dog-ter (get it?! daughter, except she's a dog) a Hooker, but she is the neighborhood tramp. If i don't help her walk around the neighborhood to greet everyone she wants to play with and talk to, then she jumps the fence and takes herself on her own walk.

She's so cute and smart, and she does try to please us. She wants to be good; I know she does. She just can't contain herself sometimes. She has so much puppy energy still at 2years old. Sometimes when we let her out to play with the other off-leash dogs she gets so excited that she just spins. She's a blur to any camera because she is spinning so fast. and if you're too close she will slime you with her 'I'm so happy'-tongue hanging out...big, juicy, foam of a slime.

My favorite Maggie/Hooker story is the time she jumped the fence, ran off right before a rainstorm. We were worried about our dog getting scared or lost during the storm, but not Maggie. We were sitting in the garage waiting for her to come home and of course she did...with a BOYFRIEND!!! Hooker! Slut! Oh, Maggie... both her and her new boyfriend, who tried to stay and introduce himself, were drenched in the rain and covered in mud. We tried to scold her, but we were so busy laughing and so glad she came home safely. Her boyfriend did not have a collar on and we could tell he was old by his cloudy eyes; and he went on his way to find another hooker to play with...

Then there is Maggie's all time favorite boyfriend, Charlie. Charlie is the neighborhood's Great Dane. and he is handsome! Maggie and Charlie are the same age. When they are together Maggie does her twirling circles around him...just showing off her excitement. Yesterday she jumped Charlie's fence with the leash still on just because she wanted to see him so bad. silly girl.

So what am I doing today? purchasing her another shock collar. She tore her previous one up to where I can't attach it and can't turn it on...I told you she's smart. That's my dog-ter.

Monday, May 16, 2011

my gift

Psalm 127:3 Children are a blessing and a gift from the Lord.

My heart floods with warmth every time Joey runs towards me. His little chubby cheeks are bouncing up and down with each awkward toddler footstep. He lets out this "EEEE" noise that's almost a grunt but he has a goofy teeth-showing grin on his face. And then there's his sausage fingers attached to his wrist-rolled arms that are flung open wide...how can you not fall in love with him and forget everything else around you for that brief moment?

What a wonderful gift!

Sunday, May 15, 2011

How to be Mature

James 1:2-6a My friends, be glad, even if you have a lot of trouble. You know that you learn to endure by having your faith tested. But you must learn to endure everything, so that you will be completely mature and not lacking in anything.
If any of you need wisdom, you should ask God, and it will be given to you. God is generous and won't correct you for asking. But when you ask for something, you must have faith and not doubt.

I love reading James 1:2 in different versions. Emily's version: When life sucks and you're faith is being tested, be glad because this will give you perseverance and result in complete maturity.

I'm needing a little bulking up on scripture today. It's been a good day.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

new season

This weekend is the beginning of a new season. Separate housing for a married couple should not be "the best option at this time". Our separate lives ...words are hard.

<< Ecclesiastes 3 >>
A Time for Everything
1To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

2A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

3A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

4A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

5A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

6A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

7A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

8A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

9What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboureth? 10I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.

11He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.

12I know that there is no good in them, but for a man to rejoice, and to do good in his life. 13And also that every man should eat and drink, and enjoy the good of all his labour, it is the gift of God. 14I know that, whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever: nothing can be put to it, nor any thing taken from it: and God doeth it, that men should fear before him. 15That which hath been is now; and that which is to be hath already been; and God requireth that which is past.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Human Milk

I'm giving Joey my milk. I'm breastfeeding a toddler. I'm an extended breastfeeder. I'm letting him self-wean...whatever you want to call it. I'm in love with our little relationship. How he stops and looks up at me, how the magic milk instantly stops crying and fixes boo-boos, and how I'm able to give him the exact nutrition his little body needs.
I'm also in love with breastfeeding because I got back in my jeans by week 3, I have gotten to eat, and didn't have to deal with having a period for an extra 13months. Breastfeeding makes amenorrhea normal; no period for 23 months!!! When I say eat, I mean EAT; I wanted to have a whole cheesecake after eating a whole cow. There were several weeks in a row (around the winter holidays too) where I would eat an entire stick of cream cheese everyday and still be hungry.
I wish more mommas worked through their "issues" with breastfeeding and did this. I also wish society around us was more accepting. Why people feel the need to cover up and hide in a room in order to feed their child...maybe they're the same people that like to eat a whole box of chocolate by themselves too. I wish I could take more artsy photos of our feeding sessions and capture the looks of lovin' I get. I wish to always cherish the middle of the night loving/eating sessions. and attempt to count the times where Joey has attempted to nurse my belly button. or the night where he just nursed right through my shirt. or early on when my boobs were so messy and anytime he was nursing the other boob would get jealous and leak all over the place. or the time I came home from work and was so happy to see the dog that my milk let down just looking at the dog!!!
Pumping at work was a different thing. I daily had to find a place to hide and feel safe pumping. I daily had people tell me how weird it was that I was providing free nutrients to my baby by pumping. I had a manager that was not supportive and didn't understand (yet another reason I quit my job). Pumping took commitment. But I had amazing support from hubby. Once we got the pumping pattern down; there was no reason to stop. No reason to wean my chubby baby.
It was not easy at first. Open sores, doing positive self-talk to motivate me to give my baby one more feeding. Feeding him on one side, so the other side could have a break and hopefully heal. Wading through the crazy emotions postpartum hormones were causing. So many tears at first.
So worth it. I still don't feel like I know everything about breastfeeding and I still long to learn more and more. I find myself on Kellymom.com ALL the TIME!

Got Milk?

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

just the begining

this is just the begining of of toddlerhood. a huge milestone. a season all it's own. in only having the hope to repeat itself someday. But for now we have entered toddlerhood with Joey where finding all of momma's No-No buttons are in the house is a treasure hunt all in itself. where eating is supposed to include food in your hair. where laughing is expected anytime anyone says 'belly button'. where you look outside for 15minutes to find the perfect rock and then find the perfect matching stick for your other hand...and just to top that off you try to eat both of them.

Toddlerhood makes my heart whole. Finding fascination in balloons clear across the room. Sticking his little tongue out just to get me to laugh. Helping just to see if I appreciate what he's doing. He's a little DJ, pressing buttons on the radio. Turning the alarm clock into a 'dog on a leash' and taking the new 'dog' on a walk all around the house.

He loves his dog-dog. He curls up with her and lays his head against her warm body and Maggie gently snuggles back. We go on walks together. Those walks are my everything. So amazing to learn about the world around you through the eyes of a toddler. by the way, sippy cups are meant to go into register vents...that's what i'm learning.

I'm trying to teach him to sign a few words and he just looks at me like 'i already told you what i want, so why do i have to repeat myself'.

O Toddlerhood...this is going to be a grand adventure.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

my inner hippie

the older I get, the more i realize I'm a hippie. and I'm okay with that.
Let me list the ways I am a hippie...
1 Home Birth
2 Anti-Doctors
3 I have a placenta in my freezer
4 cloth diapering
5 amber necklace
6 breastfeeding
7 making my own baby food
8 enjoy gardening and pulling weeds
9 love my vegetable garden
10 compost pile
11 baby wearing
12 love my family bed and sleeping with baby
13 anti-dialysis for long term and NICU's are unethical
14 get excited when I get good gas mileage
15 don't like eating out because I can make it better myself
16 love eating healthy
17 kefir - make my own probiotics
18 Yoga and Pilates
19 hot tea connoisseur

but I'm not a hippie because
1 i don't care for rock music
2 I have never smoked anything and never will
3 still feel uncomfortable with open homosexuality displayed in public
4 I'm a republican
5 hate tie-dyed clothing
6 love being married
7 I eat meat and it's delicious.

So basically I refuse to conform to someone's cookie cutter. I make my own shapes and opinions. Therefore I expect everyone else to make their own decisions too. I long for people to be informed before making choices.

Monday, May 9, 2011

a full year

a full year has past...
I want to blog, but I don't want to worry about hurting people's feelings or my grammar. so suck it. this is my voice and my honest words that need to pour out. so if you don't like what i have to say, don't read this.

I have a beautiful, energetic toddler. he loves me no matter if i do my hair or have food on my shirt. in fact, he adds his own collection of food and boogers to my shirts and pants and hair daily. i pick out my clothing around what boogers will look good with.

religion is gone. we are left with faith and repeated messages from the Holy Spirit. Examples: old alzheimer's lady looks me straight in the eye and says "let your mother-in-law help you; she knows more than you give her credit"...thanks for the dagger in the heart, LORD.
or the day after I quit my job in order to keep our household sane during this next year...husband/nurse of an optometrist that has walked in my shoes tells me "I was wondering what took you so long, your husband is really going to need you this next year"... fullfilling words to my broken/confused heart.
or my beautiful walks with Maggie and Joey...and a deer coming within a few yards of us. just to remind us of how big God is...
Religion, you suck. Faith, you keep me whole. I do admire the friends religion has given me, but putting Joey in a strangers' arms to listen to horrible church music, and to hear a message that will repeatedly be stuck at a 4th grade level...no religion, my God, my Faith is much bigger than that.

Each year keeps getting better and it will keep getting better. my Cup over flow-th. Each day spent with Joey is better and better. My love for Alan grows, and when I think I can't love him more; I do. A full year indeed.

So what's next? I don't have a job, Alan doesn't have a job, our house is on the market to make a transition back to our real home, we have Joey and Maggie and Sam and Bella...family. Our small family. We have faith that God's timing will be perfect. We have options.

a goal i have is to use Joey's nap time to blog and keep me sane. I will have more time, but with this new time will also bring more faith. I need people, but I don't seek out people. I've never been a socialite, but I yearn for being around people. We all need to connect with someone.

future topics: Human milk, Birthing, Death, Making Food, sleeping with babies, cats/dogs, music, consignment deals....oh the full year I've had.