a full year has past...
I want to blog, but I don't want to worry about hurting people's feelings or my grammar. so suck it. this is my voice and my honest words that need to pour out. so if you don't like what i have to say, don't read this.
I have a beautiful, energetic toddler. he loves me no matter if i do my hair or have food on my shirt. in fact, he adds his own collection of food and boogers to my shirts and pants and hair daily. i pick out my clothing around what boogers will look good with.
religion is gone. we are left with faith and repeated messages from the Holy Spirit. Examples: old alzheimer's lady looks me straight in the eye and says "let your mother-in-law help you; she knows more than you give her credit"...thanks for the dagger in the heart, LORD.
or the day after I quit my job in order to keep our household sane during this next year...husband/nurse of an optometrist that has walked in my shoes tells me "I was wondering what took you so long, your husband is really going to need you this next year"... fullfilling words to my broken/confused heart.
or my beautiful walks with Maggie and Joey...and a deer coming within a few yards of us. just to remind us of how big God is...
Religion, you suck. Faith, you keep me whole. I do admire the friends religion has given me, but putting Joey in a strangers' arms to listen to horrible church music, and to hear a message that will repeatedly be stuck at a 4th grade level...no religion, my God, my Faith is much bigger than that.
Each year keeps getting better and it will keep getting better. my Cup over flow-th. Each day spent with Joey is better and better. My love for Alan grows, and when I think I can't love him more; I do. A full year indeed.
So what's next? I don't have a job, Alan doesn't have a job, our house is on the market to make a transition back to our real home, we have Joey and Maggie and Sam and Bella...family. Our small family. We have faith that God's timing will be perfect. We have options.
a goal i have is to use Joey's nap time to blog and keep me sane. I will have more time, but with this new time will also bring more faith. I need people, but I don't seek out people. I've never been a socialite, but I yearn for being around people. We all need to connect with someone.
future topics: Human milk, Birthing, Death, Making Food, sleeping with babies, cats/dogs, music, consignment deals....oh the full year I've had.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Birthing Story
****Warning, contains gross stuff***
"You had a home birth! Are you crazy?"
"How'd you do it without the epidural?"
"You mean you didn't have a doctor?!?"
These are just a few of the responses I have gotten so far to sharing my birthing experience. Society as a whole is mystified by natural childbirth. I have always been excited to have the chance to utilize my God given power as a woman to bring His miracle of life into this world through a home birth. You don't have to understand it, just know my birth was the most wonderful, empowering, miraculous experience I have had thus far in my life.
Labor started somewhere in the middle of Saturday night/Sunday morning. Diarrhea and contractions lasting a minute long started around 2am. I don't know for sure because I tried my best to keep sleeping knowing that if this was REAL labor I would need my energy. At 6am I counted 6-7 contractions within the hour. Going to the bathroom every 30 minutes was starting to become real annoying.
The realization started kicking in, I'm in active labor! At 6:45am I text my dad "Happy Birthday, I'm in Labor" in between 3 contractions and pooping. I woke Alan up to let him know I was going to call my midwife due to the contractions. Contractions now 6 min apart. My midwife, Dana, was notified around 7:30am. She recommended that since I was starting to get too uncomfortable to sleep that I should eat breakfast and take a shower and call her back with an update. After attempting my routine breakfast of 2 eggs, 2 slices of bacon, glass of milk and English muffin, I slowly made it to the shower. I could feel my body shifting to right-brain function only...Labor Land. Labor Land is a dream-like, non-analytical, place where you just go off intuition, voices and decisions did not matter, and I could not answer questions easily.
After the shower it's 9:30 and contractions are now 4 minutes apart. My midwife is on her way over. I'm still moving around the house and hanging out in my robe. Unable to lie down comfortably, I settle in an upright indian-style position on the bed loosing track of time. I made Alan start a load of laundry since I had left washing the brand new baby clothes for a project later in the week.
Dana arrived around 10:15, looked at me and said, "You ARE working hard, I'm calling Jenny (doula)". At 10:30am she checked me...I was 100% effaced and dilated 8cm with my water sack intact. Alan started preparing the birthing tub (which we could not fill with hot water fast enough to utilize). Jenny helped me through the contractions providing me with heat packs and pressure to my sacrum where my hips were spreading the most. Dana checked fetal heart rate with a Doppler every 15-30 minutes; his heart rate consistently stayed in the 130's. His heart rate slowed once only to realize I was holding my breath from the intensity of a contraction; he rebounded quickly. My highest blood pressure identified was 118/82...and afebrile. No signs of distress.
The hormones were making my legs shake uncontrollably, but I didn't care. Water broke at 1220 and the hard labor started. I moved to the birthing chair and got too comfortable that labor started to slow, a nice break for me. Dana made me eat 2 tablespoons of honey for the upcoming energy boost despite my slight nausea.
We tried hands and knees position to try to move my cervix forward. Unsuccessful with position alone, Dana manually flipped the anterior lip of the cervix to keep my labor progressing. I now had the urge to push. With every contraction thereafter I gave 2-4 pushes. Dana was massaging my vagina with olive oil during each contraction. Jenny was holding my right hand. Alan was on my left side constantly telling me "you're doing a good job"...I had more motivation to keep pushing harder. Cognitive of every ache/pain/twitch/cramp I somehow kept finding more strength. I felt his head with my fingers as he crowned. I felt his head pop out. I felt such a deep surge of adrenaline as I did the last push to get his shoulders out...and then I felt him wiggle and kick my vaginal wall the rest of the way to my belly. Skin-to-skin was the BEST and made me instantly forget the pain and hard work I just accomplished.
He had 10 perfectly pink fingers, 10 perfectly pink toes to make a wiggly, slimy, warm baby boy. Jenny reminded Alan to capture the moment in a picture as we were drying him off. I remember shrieking in joy. This was an amazing and empowering feeling. Only I could have done this and I DID!!!
The cord took 5-6 minutes to stop pulsing. Alan was slightly timid to cut the cord, until Dana looked at him and said, "Don’t worry, I'm holding his penis."
Long fingers, tons of hair, and he was perfectly healthy.
While we were still cleaning him off on my chest, Sammy (my cat with attitude) came in and gently but intentionally bit my left forearm as to say, "I do not approve, and you had better stop of this racket"...and marched out. (Sam adores Joey now)
Once my baby was wrapped and safe in Alan's arms, I was placed on the birthing chair to deliver the placenta. I simply relaxed and out gushed the placenta which grossed Alan out. The endorphin high was the best drug. I was wonderful. I had some vaginal abrasions, but NO tearing, NO stretch marks, NO hospital transfer... Just a new, healthy family of three.
I can't imagine how different my experience would have been in a hospital... Would I do it again at home? Absolutely!!! It WAS wonderful!
"You had a home birth! Are you crazy?"
"How'd you do it without the epidural?"
"You mean you didn't have a doctor?!?"
These are just a few of the responses I have gotten so far to sharing my birthing experience. Society as a whole is mystified by natural childbirth. I have always been excited to have the chance to utilize my God given power as a woman to bring His miracle of life into this world through a home birth. You don't have to understand it, just know my birth was the most wonderful, empowering, miraculous experience I have had thus far in my life.
Labor started somewhere in the middle of Saturday night/Sunday morning. Diarrhea and contractions lasting a minute long started around 2am. I don't know for sure because I tried my best to keep sleeping knowing that if this was REAL labor I would need my energy. At 6am I counted 6-7 contractions within the hour. Going to the bathroom every 30 minutes was starting to become real annoying.
The realization started kicking in, I'm in active labor! At 6:45am I text my dad "Happy Birthday, I'm in Labor" in between 3 contractions and pooping. I woke Alan up to let him know I was going to call my midwife due to the contractions. Contractions now 6 min apart. My midwife, Dana, was notified around 7:30am. She recommended that since I was starting to get too uncomfortable to sleep that I should eat breakfast and take a shower and call her back with an update. After attempting my routine breakfast of 2 eggs, 2 slices of bacon, glass of milk and English muffin, I slowly made it to the shower. I could feel my body shifting to right-brain function only...Labor Land. Labor Land is a dream-like, non-analytical, place where you just go off intuition, voices and decisions did not matter, and I could not answer questions easily.
After the shower it's 9:30 and contractions are now 4 minutes apart. My midwife is on her way over. I'm still moving around the house and hanging out in my robe. Unable to lie down comfortably, I settle in an upright indian-style position on the bed loosing track of time. I made Alan start a load of laundry since I had left washing the brand new baby clothes for a project later in the week.
Dana arrived around 10:15, looked at me and said, "You ARE working hard, I'm calling Jenny (doula)". At 10:30am she checked me...I was 100% effaced and dilated 8cm with my water sack intact. Alan started preparing the birthing tub (which we could not fill with hot water fast enough to utilize). Jenny helped me through the contractions providing me with heat packs and pressure to my sacrum where my hips were spreading the most. Dana checked fetal heart rate with a Doppler every 15-30 minutes; his heart rate consistently stayed in the 130's. His heart rate slowed once only to realize I was holding my breath from the intensity of a contraction; he rebounded quickly. My highest blood pressure identified was 118/82...and afebrile. No signs of distress.
The hormones were making my legs shake uncontrollably, but I didn't care. Water broke at 1220 and the hard labor started. I moved to the birthing chair and got too comfortable that labor started to slow, a nice break for me. Dana made me eat 2 tablespoons of honey for the upcoming energy boost despite my slight nausea.
We tried hands and knees position to try to move my cervix forward. Unsuccessful with position alone, Dana manually flipped the anterior lip of the cervix to keep my labor progressing. I now had the urge to push. With every contraction thereafter I gave 2-4 pushes. Dana was massaging my vagina with olive oil during each contraction. Jenny was holding my right hand. Alan was on my left side constantly telling me "you're doing a good job"...I had more motivation to keep pushing harder. Cognitive of every ache/pain/twitch/cramp I somehow kept finding more strength. I felt his head with my fingers as he crowned. I felt his head pop out. I felt such a deep surge of adrenaline as I did the last push to get his shoulders out...and then I felt him wiggle and kick my vaginal wall the rest of the way to my belly. Skin-to-skin was the BEST and made me instantly forget the pain and hard work I just accomplished.
He had 10 perfectly pink fingers, 10 perfectly pink toes to make a wiggly, slimy, warm baby boy. Jenny reminded Alan to capture the moment in a picture as we were drying him off. I remember shrieking in joy. This was an amazing and empowering feeling. Only I could have done this and I DID!!!
The cord took 5-6 minutes to stop pulsing. Alan was slightly timid to cut the cord, until Dana looked at him and said, "Don’t worry, I'm holding his penis."
Long fingers, tons of hair, and he was perfectly healthy.
While we were still cleaning him off on my chest, Sammy (my cat with attitude) came in and gently but intentionally bit my left forearm as to say, "I do not approve, and you had better stop of this racket"...and marched out. (Sam adores Joey now)
Once my baby was wrapped and safe in Alan's arms, I was placed on the birthing chair to deliver the placenta. I simply relaxed and out gushed the placenta which grossed Alan out. The endorphin high was the best drug. I was wonderful. I had some vaginal abrasions, but NO tearing, NO stretch marks, NO hospital transfer... Just a new, healthy family of three.
I can't imagine how different my experience would have been in a hospital... Would I do it again at home? Absolutely!!! It WAS wonderful!
Friday, March 19, 2010
walkin' Maggie
Maggie is getting spoiled with mom home on maternity leave. Getting to go on multiple walks everyday. Her favorite is to travel the deer paths across from our home, leash-less. Besides going on so many walks, she loves playing with her bestest dog-friend, Brandy every evening. We all are so blessed to have great neighbors.
besides the brisk walks, I've started getting my energy around the house. Beware to all of my closets...you are about to get organized.
besides the brisk walks, I've started getting my energy around the house. Beware to all of my closets...you are about to get organized.
Monday, March 15, 2010
huge news
37 weeks later, we're going to birth our first son. little socks, crib linens, blankets, and a lifetime of waiting for this moment.
the excitement is all around us. the cats know and Maggie knows, something special is brewing.
the excitement is all around us. the cats know and Maggie knows, something special is brewing.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
potpourri
Happy 27th birthday, Alan!
We had a nice cookout in the backyard. Maggie is getting big, but she's not spoiled. Can you tell?
Disappointment in my reproductive system took me to the Emergency Room a few weeks ago. Although the pain is gone, questions are still unanswered. I took a sick day on the 12th and still want' feeling up to par for work craziness. Thankfully I was canceled on the 13th and could enjoy a short visit with Nana during her family reunion of sorts. The Hickman side of the family hadn't met for 20 years. I love my Nana.
This past weekend we enjoyed the company of my mom, my niece and my cousin. We did St Louis!...the arch, zoo, children's museum, water park... WHEW! Alan and I had trouble keeping up with their energy level. I know I'm still young at heart when an ice cream sandwich puts a smile back on my face.
We had a nice cookout in the backyard. Maggie is getting big, but she's not spoiled. Can you tell?
Disappointment in my reproductive system took me to the Emergency Room a few weeks ago. Although the pain is gone, questions are still unanswered. I took a sick day on the 12th and still want' feeling up to par for work craziness. Thankfully I was canceled on the 13th and could enjoy a short visit with Nana during her family reunion of sorts. The Hickman side of the family hadn't met for 20 years. I love my Nana.
This past weekend we enjoyed the company of my mom, my niece and my cousin. We did St Louis!...the arch, zoo, children's museum, water park... WHEW! Alan and I had trouble keeping up with their energy level. I know I'm still young at heart when an ice cream sandwich puts a smile back on my face.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Project "make the 70's go away"
Remodeling our home has been an adventure. Although crazy and expensive like all hobbies getting rid of the 70's motif has given us a new found way to acchieve positive feedback. In fact our confidence in skills keeps growing. Alan has been suprising himself in the current bathroom remodel.
Before:
Enjoying having a neighbor with lots of toys
Currently finishing tile
Before:
Enjoying having a neighbor with lots of toys
Currently finishing tile
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Meet Maggie
yesterday we got a new puppy!!! A sweet 15 week old female Boxer. The breeder wanted to keep her as a new mom, but let us take her home instead. We're thrilled to start the journey of dog ownership. Our first 30 minutes with this adorable pup were spent cleaning up her 4 bowel movements and vomit in our car (the new one, of course). Alan and I kept joking around that "shit happens". Other than that, our 2 hour car ride was boring.
The cats have been cordial, but not friendly. Bella's tail has been really poofy as of late. Sam just wants to know what's going on.
We named her Maggie because she's so sweet. She's already turning her head to the sound of her name. She's picking up on things really quickly. This morning we worked on going up and down the stairs independently despite the cats' location. Now she spends 30 minutes at a time repeating her new accomplishment until we stop her. We're doing the whole crate training thing and she LOVES her crate. So far it's really easy to talk her into getting in and difficult to convince her to come out. We enjoy celebrating her every potty and poop outside...mini parties every time: so fun! I can't wait until she picks up on wearing a leash and going for long walks.
~~~~
Over Memorial Day weekend we enjoyed the company of my brother and his fiance down at the Wommack house. Alan and I ran in the town's 5k and I met my goal of running it in it's entirety. That evening to celebrate all of the kids coming home, my parents threw a little party for the engaged couple and even had a hot air balloon come for rides. My mother-in-law came down from KC, our family friends from central Kansas came with their 5 kids, and my niece was there to name a few. Amazing weekend full of new memories.
In later blogs I will share updates of house projects. Must go play with Maggie again.
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